Be the Queen of your Kingdom. Not the Wife of your King!!!

Zayb,

I once read this quote by Lara Turner, ‘ I successful man is one who makes a lot of money, and a successful woman is one who can find such a man’.  Though very funny (and I am sure she was just trying to be funny when she said this) I thought of this as absolute ‘bovine manure’. Your ambition and identity should be based on who you are and what you want to be. Not on what your partner is or can be. Be the Queen of your Kingdom not the wife of your King. You don’t want to be at the mercy of another for your own identity. The wife of the King remains Queen till he wants her to be. She enjoys her status and luxuries as Queen till he allows her to enjoy it.

I heard Naanijaan once tell someone  that Nanajaan doesn’t want his daughters to be at the mercy of a man. He wants them to be independent and self-sufficient. Nanajaan always encouraged Maasima and me to study, explore, express, be whoever we wanted to be and have an ambition.  Masima was the first person in our social circle to work in the media and advertising industry. I was the first girl in the family to live and work in the west. Nanajaan and Nanijaan always encouraged us towards progress and empowerment.

While independence, identity, ambition are very valuable, love, respect and companionship are equally so. Being ambitious and independent doesn’t mean that you disregard the needs of your family and friends. It doesn’t mean that you forget to offer respect and courtesy. Be respectful to your partner. If you are the Queen he has his own space as King. He is not the husband of a Queen. Yes! My sweet child always be respectful no matter what you achieve…but at the same time remember to be respectable. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who deserves your respect and will respect you in return.  Be the best partner you can be. Be the best companion you can be. You and your partner are meant to share your lives, share your successes, share your sorrows and not piggy back on each other. Sooner or later every piggyback ride becomes uncomfortable for the rider and tiring for the carrier.

Love to my Princess,

From the reigning Queen